Humanity will continue. The circle of life will press on and on, repeating itself. And throughout this infinite procession, there will be constants. There are characteristics of humanity that will prevail, regardless. One of these is communication. Humans will always communicate, in one form or another. Obviously, different forms of communication involve different elements, and are interpreted in different ways. The Internet, for example, is a much different communication medium than radio. As is radio a far cry from literature. The nature of radio and the Internet are fairly straightforward. Literature, on the other hand, is a bit more vague. The question arises: What is Literature? It has existed for many centuries, and has appeared in many guises. But what is its nature? What is its definition? Literature is thought of as many things. It is poetry. It is novels. Some would say that anything that has been written is literature. I say that indeed, literature can be many things, but it is not everything that has ever been written. Let's lay down some rules. Let's establish some parameters for what can be considered to be "literature".

Literature needs to be flexible. It needs to allow for different people and different perspectives. If a piece of literature is too rigid, or does not have a broad enough scope to appeal to its readers, then it will probably not be read much. It needs to be adaptive, so that people of all shapes and sizes can appreciate the literature. It must not necessarily conform to them, but rather allow for them and their own unique position.

Literature needs to be comfortable to its readers. In order for a person to stay interested in something, it generally has to appeal to them in some way. It has to be interesting, or contain the information they are looking for. They must feel that the literature is close to them, and that they can trust it to do what it is supposed to. Now, please realize that the statement I just made is not an absolute. There are precious few of those in life. Literature does not necessarily have to be comfortable. But if it is not, then there needs to be a definite reason for it, that the reader is willing to accept.

Literature needs to serve a purpose. It has to do something. Many would say that Literature is Art, and thusly does not necessarily have to serve a purpose beyond its very existence. I would disagree. If literature is informative, then its purpose is to inform. If literature is in the form of a fantasy novel, then its purpose is to entertain. If literature is to be considered art, then its purpose is to be appreciated. In its own unique way, literature must serve a purpose. Now, that purpose may differ from reader to reader, but a purpose must always be there.

According to the Online Webster Dictionary, literature is considered to be "writings…expressing ideas of permanent or universal interest." The Wordsmyth English Dictionary-Thesaurus states that literature can be "any printed matter." All of these things - what I have said and what others have said - can be true. All of these things can be applied to something to determine whether or not it is literature. I do, however, have an additional criterium. I prefer that my literature be cotton.

I would like to argue that the words printed on the elastic bands of underwear around the world are indeed literature. Think about my guidelines. If you have to, re-read this paper, and place it in the context of underwear. Literature needs to be flexible. I think you would agree that if the elastic band of your underwear is not flexible, then you will probably not want to use them any more. It must have a broad enough scope, and be adaptive, to accommodate the wearer of the underwear - the "reader" of the words. Literature needs to be comfortable. Anyone who has worn uncomfortable undies will preach to you the value of a comfy elastic band. Too tight, and it constricts. Too loose, and your undies don't stay where they are supposed to. The "reader" has to trust the underwear, and feel that it is close to them. The undies must do their job, and provide whatever support or protection is needed for the reader. However, if the undies are not meant to be comfortable (S&M? Bondage leather?), then there has to be a very good reason for it, that the reader is willing to accept. Of course, there is not likely to be an elastic band on a pair of black shiny studded leather undies, but… Not that I would know, if course. Ahem. At any rate, literature needs to serve a purpose. I think that all would agree that underwear serves a very tangible purpose, and that the beloved elastic band with its printed words is an essential part of everyone's wardrobe. The purpose of the elastic band is, of course, to hold up your skivvies so that they don't fall around your ankles. The purpose of the printed words is to announce to any potential readers the company that you hold near and dear to your loins. According to Webster's, literature needs to "express ideas of permanent or universal interest". Underwear is universally used and appreciated. While hopefully a single pair of underwear is not a permanent fixture on any one person, the phenomenon of underwear is indeed permanent.

There is my case, in all its cotton elastic glory. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a marvelous work of literature: Your Undies!

"Underwear will continue. The circle of elastic will stretch on and on, extending itself. And throughout this infinite expansion, there will be constants. Hanes. BVD. Fruit of the Loom. These characteristics of humanity will prevail, regardless. As long as a human draws breath, the elastic band will play on, and the words imprinted thereupon will hold them up high. Their literature will live eternal. Long live the undies!" - Inspector No. 8